Dating…..how do I even do that???? I’ve been off the market for 17 years for crying out loud! The last time I was single I was just a child! And anyway, dating in high school and college for me wasn’t really “dating” it was more like hooking up. You know what I mean girlies, right? Back then you would meet boys (I’m not sure I’d call them men) in the dorms, in the school hallways, frat parties, common places we all hung out at as young people….point being, it was very easy to meet someone your age with similar interests and in the same place in life.
Even though I have missed having the passion, desire and that lustful connection toward someone for many, many, many, many (you get my point) years, and would love to be with someone again, the idea of “being” with another man scares the crap out of me! It’s a tug of war within me. I want a relationship but at the same time, I want to run and hide at the thought of one.
Even towards the end when I hated “D” (you remember “D”? My Ex!) there was comfort in the familiar, he knew me, and I knew him. He was the “devil I knew” so to speak. Now I have to meet new men? Terrifyingly. What if I meet another “D”?? And to go through the process of learning who they are, how they communicate, figuring out if they are safe and trustworthy? Yikes! How do I do that? Do I even trust myself to pick a good man? Seems overwhelming and scary at times.
To be honest, when I imagined my dating life after divorce, I saw my girlfriends setting me up left and right, men at my every disposal! But, alas no. That would have been too easy. Seems my friends (who are mostly married), only know and hang with other married people. Reflecting back on my married life, I really only knew married men too. Sigh.
So how does one meet someone after divorce? Well, ladies you guessed it, online dating! I can’t freaking believe I even have to consider putting a profile of myself online! Seemed to me like only creepy people did that or desperate social outcasts….not me! Never in a million years did I think I would be 39 and on an online dating site-gawd! As much as I didn’t want to go this route, I was ready to be with someone again so I felt i really had no choice. I was lonely and let’s face it ladies, it had been a LOOOOONG time since I had any action…..know what I mean? A girl has needs….just sayin!
I couldnt help but wonder/worry….have I given myself enough time to fix my “picker”?